The good, the bad, and the ugly; Understanding bullying
School bullying and workplace bullying are both defined as systematic abuse of power where the victim is made to feel coerced, degraded, humiliated, threatened, intimidated, or frightened
School bullying and workplace bullying are pretty similar concepts. Both can be broadly defined as a systematic abuse of power where the victim is made to feel coerced, degraded, humiliated, threatened, intimidated, or frightened. The core concepts of bullying are that it is persistent, harmful, and negative outcomes for victims. However, what isn't quite so apparent is that all bullying are also characterized by intentional behaviour that is perceived to harmful by BOTH the perpetrator and the individual being bullied. Meaning that the bully wants to hurt the victim, and the victim is, indeed, hurt by the bully's behaviour.
Sometimes the "intentionality" of bullying is misunderstood to mean that if the victim somehow decides not to be hurt from the behaviour then it's not actually bullying. But what this perspective misses is that bullying often happens in insidious and subtle ways over a period of time. Also, bullies are active agents who target individuals who they perceive to be weaker than themselves, because these people are less likely to fight back. Weakness here doesn't just mean physical strength either, it could be social, emotional or role based power (or lack thereof). This means that the bully picks on someone who is perceived to be quiet, introverted, or different, or even someone who is subordinate to them in the workplace. Often the victim isn't left with an option just to ignore it, to toughen up, or many of the other dismissives that are used when we talk about bullying.
Bullying doesn't just mean getting beaten up in the school yard, it happens in many different ways across situations. In fact, physical bullying like being punched or kicked is the LEAST likely type of bullying to happen (both at work and at school). Verbal bullying is the most common at school, and indirect forms of bullying like social exclusion and spreading rumours are more common at work. Because it can take so many forms, it can be difficult to identify, and even more difficult to talk about.
But, we have to remember that bullying is a group phenomenon, meaning that it is not just the bully and the victim involved. Christina Salmivalli, suggested that there are lots of other people who have a stake in the bullying situation. Henchmen and followers either actively or passively support the bully (by joining in, laughing, etc), bystanders see it happening but don't act on it, and defenders stick up for the victim. Needless to say, bystanders make up the majority followed by henchman and coming in a very distant third are defenders. It has been found to be more effective to support bystanders and defenders than to try to change bullies.
What can you do?
The first step is to realise that it is bullying and it is wrong. You might have identified that you are being victimised, or that you are a bully - or maybe even both. The next thing to do is to tackle the issue, if you are being bullied seek support, if you are bullying others, reflect on the reasons why you are doing this. We have to start talking about this in order to make change.
- Jaimee
If you live in New Zealand or Australia, you know what Tall Poppy Syndrome is, and you have probably experienced it in some form or another. Even though it has many labels around the world, what Tall Poppy Syndrome boils down to is the intentional cutting down of over-achievers so that they are on par with the rest of the bunch.
There is a lot of discussion about Tall Poppy syndrome in the media (see this article from 3 news), and in academic research (Tall Poppy Syndrome for Entrepreneurs) explaining the negative impacts of this behaviour. We know it isn’t right and that it is damaging our creativity as a nation, but we still seem to subject others to and be subjected by the figurative hedge-clippers.
So why do we cut down the “conspicuously successful” amongst us?
Firstly we don’t like it when others make us look bad, either through performing well or achieving more than us, leading us to get defensive and reactionary.
Secondly, cutting people down (or having them cut you down) may be unintentional. This can be a result of group and organisational cultures that proport to prioritise equality, which is actually an act to keep everyone at the same level.
Thirdly, some over-achievers will get ahead at the expense of others and expect you to celebrate their success along the way. We often feel a need to cut these people down to put them "back in their place".
By making small shifts in the way we think we can make a huge difference in whether Tall Poppy Symdrome manifests in the workplace or any other interpersonal relationships;
Remember, in credit and hard-work there should never be any zero-sum beliefs. Everyone who is a bright star deserves to to shine. At the same time, there is enough success to go around and if you work hard it is likely you will also have your time in the sun. If you rob someone of their spotlight, however, it is only a matter of time before someone does the same to you.
In many situations rewarding mediocrity has become the norm, so when anyone deviates from this they are put back into their place. It is our job to fight against this, because fear of standing out or having others change the status quo can only ever stymy creativity and lead to stagnation.
We have to recognise that the people who step on others just so they can move up the ranks or gain prestige are misguided. It is really not your job to put that person in their place, rather learn from their mistakes so that you won't repeat them when it is your turn to celebrate your success.
In a society where political correctness has gone mad and the status quo is the only way to go, you can still be successful and be humble at the same time. What this takes is an environment where we feel free to talk about what we are doing well, but that we don't use this as a weapon to make other people look bad. We also need a greater level of personal accountability so that people are able to achieve on the basis of merit, and those who under-perform are given models of behaviour to strive toward.
So don't be afraid to stand-out, never shy away from celebrating the success of others, and always appreciate the value of hard-work.
Have a different perspective.
-Ranga